Me as I grew up.
I grew up with my brother where we usually sneak in the afternoon, to go out and play with our friends on the street. As a child I am a bit clumsy, but, I am competent because I have to, and I want to compete with boys. My playmates were boys too, and there is no way they can bully me, or they will get a punch. One day we went home passed 6pm, which is our curfew, our father was very angry, and he spanked us. My butt got swollen after, and I cried until I slept.
When I was in elementary, I get to learn swear words from my friends at school. When my father heard me saying these magic words, he squeezed my mouth. I reckon I was between 8 or 9 years old then. With that, I stayed in my granny’s room the rest of that day because I was upset, and at the same time afraid of my father.
There was no way you can reason out from my father, or you’ll get another squeeze. lol. But I am a person with reasons, so I always reason out. Yes, I always get a second round of punishment. What I usually do after that was to run to my grannies and cry my heart out.
I grew up with a love and hate relationship with my father especially in high school, because I am a little bit of bad ass. My father is kind of bad ass too. He takes discipline on his hands. Fast hands – fast to punish, but fast to offer help. I had a lot of disciplinary punishments back in days because I go out with friends regardless.
My youthful years was beautiful. Organizing events was one of my favorite thing to do because I grew up being involved in church activities with my grannies. I get to play around with little kids in Sunday school where I share what I had experienced when I was at their age. It was fun. Being around with people brings a lot of energy and positivity to me even up to these days.
Being a mom.
Eight years after I got married, I became a mom. And everything changed. As they say, being a mother comes without a manual. It was a struggle on my first pregnancy. My URTI almost never left me since I was on my second trimester. I have been trying my best to consume less carbohydrates but still I kept getting fat. My gad, teh, ang herap! lol
Delivering a baby was so awful and exhausting, I ended up in emergency C-sec. The feeling of being incompetent of delivering normally hits me hard that I spent months of hating myself about it. I also blame myself for not being able to control my eating habit when I was pregnant, that it results to a huge baby (7.13lbs), and being induced.
It took me months to overcome it. And this is the very reason why I blog about being a mom. I may sound none-sense to some but I know somewhere out there someone just want to hear me talking about how I mother my kids. Ganern!
As a parent
I love playing with my kids but not too long, because I still am, not in good control of my temper. Honing my patience is a real deal especially since I have two lovely, hyper-active kids. My dream of not laying a hand on them remains a dream because I realize that it is important for them to get hurt a little bit too, so that they will know that they did something wrong.
However, I always explain to them why I punished them, so that they will know what their mistakes were and I’ll be able to advise them what to do next. But no, I will not explain to them right away it will take hours, usually at night. Why? Because I will give them time to reflect what they did wrong.
I am fully aware of how punishment will affect the mental health of a child, so I do punish my kids but not too much. Talking to them at the end of the day always works well on us. I may be busy the whole day at work and I don’t get a change to hug and kiss them but I made sure that when my work is done, I always play with them. My kids loves “tickle time” so that’s what we usually do right after work. It gives us time to laugh, joke around, run, giggle and talk about how our day went.
My kid’s best friend.
Being my kid’s best friend is what I am trying to do. I want them to talk to me openly about what their emotions are because men usually won’t do that, and for me, that’s one thing that’s missing to those men who are now engaged in illegal activities.
Communication is the key to get through difficulties. It’s okay to ask questions regardless of what it is, it’s okay to be laughed at because people have different opinions and that is something that we cannot control, it’s okay to get angry or frustrated because that’s normal if your expectation is different from the actual situation. The important is you know where you stand and you don’t hurt people just because you are angry.
Not shouting used to be a good dream too but not in reality. That’s how it turns out for us. Shouting becomes norm, as that’s how I get their attention. But I don’t shout at them, I shout about what they do that does not meet our rules. Yes, we argue a lot at home, this helps us understand each other. But no, don’t get me wrong we do it in a way that it won’t take away our confidence. Respect is in place. It’s important to have respect even if you are angry.
Doing everything for my children is not my thing. I trained them since they were young to be independent because I am a working mum and we have no helper at home. They need to know that I am not a superwoman who can do everything so they need to help me run the house because it’s everyone’s responsibility to get the house in order. There’s no excuses.
In our house, our kids has a voice. Yes, it takes a toll as an adult but it’s important that I know what my kids are thinking. I want them to express what they are feeling because that’s what I do. When I get angry, miffed, or happy, I will let them know. Encouraging them to speak out is what I always do. This also helps me adjust myself on how I discipline them. I also love it this way because I find it cute for them to reason out. It’s fun to argue with kids, you know. And I know I better brace myself when they grow older. I’m sure there’ll be a lot of arguing.
Expressing one’s feeling is not a bad thing that’s why I always encourage them to spit it out, loud and clear. It’s okay to get angry, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to forgive, it’s okay to say sorry, it’s okay to get mistakes, and it’s very much okay to acknowledge mistakes.
The most important thing above all as a parent, is to always express your love to them. Being angry is normal, as long as you explain to them why you were angry. Always show respect too in everything you do even if you are in beast mode. Encourage your children also to do the same. For me, that will make them a better person.